Look For The Helpers

Mr. Rogers encouraged kids to look for the helpers in times of trouble. “You will always find people who are helping,” he said. I have recently seen helpers first hand and it wasn’t the people I expected.


This past weekend my family and I traveled to Chicago for the 50th annual Croatian Fraternal Union Festival. This event attracts Tamburitzan groups from all over the United States and Canada. One of the highlights of the event is a mass performance in which all the groups gather on stage, with their instruments, to play and sing songs from the homeland.


This is an amazing sight to see. The stage is filled, rows deep with children ranging in age from 4 to 21, in some of the most beautiful, ornate costumes you will ever see. One of the drawbacks, with so many kids being on stage, it’s hard to pick out your own, unless they are right in front. This really did not bother me at the time, but now I wish, for this performance, I could've seen my daughter.


She fell ill during the singing, tried to get off stage but fainted before she made it safely to the side. No one in the audience saw this because you could not see her - she’s not tall and was in the back. People from our group and people we did not know rushed to her aid.


I received a text while sitting in the audience to come backstage immediately. I ran like the wind in a desperate attempt to see my child. After running through what seemed like a maze, I saw her sitting in a chair, surrounded by people. Of course there were grown ups on the scene, but the person closest to her was a college student.

Marie is studying to become a nurse and was using the training she has accumulated to assess whether my daughter had a concussion. (She apparently hit her head when she fainted.) Another young lady, Annie, is studying to become a pharmacist, She was close-by and was explaining to me what had happened.

These two young women, both Tamburitzan alumni, displayed such poise and calmness. My eyes filled with tears as I gazed upon my child, being attended to by so many people. My daughter looked both small and big at the same time. I touched her and asked if she was ok. That was all I could do. I was in emotional overdrive.


I truly admire people who can jump in and help. Some people run toward trouble and see what they can do. As a young child I remember watching my dad spring into action, putting his military medic training to use when my brother, sister or I got hurt. I also remember neighbors seeking his help when one of their children was either sick or injured. I did not inherit this calmness under pressure skill.


I am the person who freaks out at the first sight of illness. My house goes into quarantine at the first sign of a cold. Loose teeth make me uneasy. I am not your girl when calamity strikes.


With that said, I appreciate people who have a way to remain calm, think steady and take care of others in stressful situations. Although I will never be one of those gifted people, I will forever be in the debt of those who come to the aid of my most precious gifts – my children. Based on the actions of Marie and Annie, the next generation of patients will be in good hands.

The Mom Code

Back in March, my eighth grade son travelled with his school orchestra to the state capitol to play in the rotunda. This was the farthest he has travelled solo and I was a bit anxious. It was going to be a long day - an early departure and a late return. He would need lots of....electronics to make the travel time go faster. His backpack contained his mp3 player, tablet, a book and a modern day extension of my umbilical cord - his cell phone.

The texts started coming almost as soon as the bus pulled away from the school. "I hate this", "It's too loud, I can't hear", "Someone just passed gas”. While I was happy to hear from him, the complaints were not the 'I miss you mom' I would have preferred and became a little much. I encouraged him to talk to his friends and try to have fun.

The phone went silent for a while and I was about to enjoy a few moments alone in my house, which never happens. I kicked off my shoes turned on 'The View' - wondered who these people were and what happened to Whoopi, when my phone buzzed.

The text read, "I knew something would go wrong".

My mind began racing. Did someone get sick? Did they break down? Were they in an accident?

"WHAT HAPPENED?", I typed as quickly as I could.

"I forgot my sheet music!" (frowny face) was his reply. "I am a disgrace to my state."

Now if you knew my son, like I know my son, his text was no surprise. For as smart as he is, he is not the most responsible. Before I could write, "Well, you made sure you had everything that needed charged before you left", he wrote, "I know what you are going to say - I brought this on myself."

Ok. I was thinking that, but I knew he was upset and now was not the time to point fingers. How could I help? Could I take photos of the music and send those? Was there Wi-Fi in the rotunda? Could he use his tablet to pull up the images? And then my light bulb went off.

State Senator Jim Brewster - yeah, I'll call him. Maybe he can step away from the budget crisis and help me solve this orchestra crisis. I was desperate and before I could say impasse, I Googled the number and was on my way to a solution.

A woman named Ranee answered the phone. I asked, "Ranee, how far away is your office from the rotunda?" She said, "Less than a minute walk." Bingo. I explained my situation and from the start she was on board. Getting this music scanned and emailed to her took some time. (I did not know we were dealing with nine pages!) But with minutes to spare before their performance, she arrived to save the day. She said she recognized my son because he was the only one who looked like he needed help.

I tried to express my gratitude as best as I could, but nothing could convey how much she meant to me after what we went through. She said, "I'm a mom to a US Soldier and have had a few mom's take care of him when he was across the country! So it's the least I can do…from one mom to another."

Free Willy Days

Before my career went strictly to the print side of media, I spent some time in radio. I was hired to do traffic and news reports by Metro Networks in Pittsburgh back in 2005, and had the opportunity to fill listeners in on tunnel back-ups and accidents.

Although most of the employees at the time worked out of our Greentree studios, some worked at the radio station they provided traffic for. I occasionally would fill in for the full time reporters when they were sick or on vacation. This is how I came to meet Chilly Billy.

The traffic for the former oldies station WJAS-AM was done from their studios, also in Greentree. When I began training, I was so excited about working among two local legends, Jack Bogut and Chilly Billy. You don't get bigger or better than these two, and I have to say for both of them, you don't get any classier. 

I occasionally did traffic during Bogut's 6-10 a.m. morning show. Around 9:30, Bill would come in to prepare for his 10 a.m. to 2 p.m. shift. I remember sitting in my studio, which was sandwiched between the WJAS and WSHH studios, watching him arrive. I could see him through the windows that separated us and I would anxiously wait to meet his gaze. He always seemed happy to see me, like an old friend who he had not seen in a long time. 

For me, 9:30 to 10 a.m. was very busy. Rush hour was coming to a close and I had quite a few reports to do. It was a shame because those reports were the last thing I wanted to be doing. I could hear the two legends catching up, swaping stories about their families and reminiscing about their colorful careers. There was plenty of laughter during those 30 minutes and I wished I was with them - not participating - just being able to listen in on the stories about things they had heard and seen over the years. 

I would always stop in at 10:00 a.m. to say hello to Bill. We would have about 3 minutes to talk during the news break before he would begin his show. He would ask about my kids - I would ask how he was feeling and inquire when he going on his next getaway. I was always amazed that first - I was having a conversation with someone in their 80's, and second, with someone who was so well known. I mean Chiller Theater - Studio Wrestling, this guy was the tops. But he treated me like I, was the tops.

I happened to be filling in at WJAS on my mother's 60th birthday. I had the idea to have  Bill call her and sing to her. I was a little hesitant to ask because I wasn't sure how he would feel about it, but I thought, what the heck, this would make her day. Bill did not hesitate when I presented my request. He treated it like it was an assignment and he asked for as many details as he could about her to make the experience as personal as possible. I was able to watch the entire phone conversation and honestly, I don't know who enjoyed it more. Seven years later, my mom still talks about that special phone call and how exciting it was to talk to Chilly Billy. 

The funny thing most people don't know about radio, unless you're in the business, is that the pay is not that great. People hear your voice on the radio and they think you are raking in the cash. In the final days of oldies music on WJAS, before the station was sold and they went to all talk, employees were being asked to take days off without pay.  If jocks had  a regular show and they were talking a week's vacation, that week's show would be prerecorded by the jock. This is the state of radio. Bill had a phrase for his days off - Free Willy Days.

These guys were not in it for the money. They did it because they loved it. They craved that connection with the listeners and felt honored to still be gracing the Pittsburgh airways.

For me, doing fill in work at WJAS was not easy. I had to be there by 5 a.m. and usually left afterwards to pick up my kids or head to my regular job. I already mentioned the pay. But for nine years I accepted the WJAS shifts that came my way. The opportunity to work with people like Jack Bogut and Chilly Billy, in my mind, was priceless. I knew it wouldn't last forever and I enjoyed every moment I spent with them and was proud that I could hold my own. My life was enhanced because of those opportunities. I will always look back fondly and with gratitude. 

I was saddened when I saw Lori Cardille's post on Facebook a few weeks go about her father's recent cancer diagnosis. My intention was to send a card and tell him how much I admired his eternal positivity and how, because of his attitude and love of life, I had no doubt he would be able to get through this rough patch. 

The chance to send my card for him to read has passed.

So I am left with these words to comfort my soul. In his memory I am going to make more of an attempt to do the things that should not be put off. A call, a card, a compliment - the time is now.

To his family, I extend my deepest sympathies for their loss. He will be missed by many but the void he has left in their hearts will never be filled.

Hopefully, moving forward, we can all keep Bill's memory alive. A kind word, a smile, a laugh - this is what makes life worth living. Bill had a great smile and a great laugh. He had a great career and he was one that certainly deserved it. 

Debbie Gibson's Black Hat

You don't realize the moment when someone takes a permanent seat in your life. Twenty six years ago someone entered my world and has stuck around. She and I have been through a lot over the years and as we both approach 40, we only continue to cement our friendship.

Back in 1988, I entered the public school zone after spending eight years in catholic school. I knew very few people and was trying to find my place in the ninth grade world of just over 300 students. It was overwhelming for me to say the least but I did have one person in my corner, Debbie Gibson. Out of the blue she wrote the soundtrack for this 13 year old and set the bar for fashion. Her black hat spoke to me and became the accessory I needed to swim in this sea of electric youth. Only in my dreams could I imagine that this hat would allow me to discover the most loyal friend a girl could have.

Within only a few weeks in the ninth grade world I discovered the many clicks that existed. I did not have the reputation or attractive qualities to penetrate the iron clad walls of the coolest circles. Making observations as an outsider, I did take notice of one girl who I hoped would some day be my friend. To me she was the most interesting person I had ever met. She had an incredible sense of style, she had an eclectic taste in music and her artistic flare predated anything you would find on Pinterest. She already had a lot of friendships which she had cultivated through her grade school and middle school years but THIS optimistic girl (me) hoped she had room for one more.

I remember going to the mall with money I had saved up from my paper route to buy my black hat. Nothing I have purchased since then filled me with the anticipation of such a life changing epiphany . Knowing that once I had this hat and wore it to school I would be "in", looked at with jaws agape and whispers of "look at her, sure wish I had a hat like that."

Because of my shy nature, I was reluctant to wear my hat despite its guarantee of making me the envy of all in my school. I didn't want to completely rock the world of my fellow students, but Debbie gave me encouragement, through her lyrics and awesome videos. I finally overcame my fear and started wearing my hat but frankly my epiphany didn't really happen in the urban setting of my high school. I know I got looks but of the variety of "what is she wearin?" That didn't matter though, because one complement came my way, something to the variety of "I like your hat", that was a game changer.

That compliment was the first ingredient in what would be the recipe for two decades worth of friendship. As she and I approach our 40th birthdays, I just want to let her know how much she has meant to me. I never expected to share the highs and lows of my life with this person as we transitioned from students to wives to mothers. Thank you for sticking with me in this challenging world. Happy Birthday to you my dear friend and remember what Debbie said in her prophetic song Electric Youth, "Oh yeah, it's there - don't underestimate the power of a lifetime ahead." We are gonna rock 40 and this time no black hat is needed.

Trick or....treat?

I am so disappointed today and over a stupid picture. All I wanted to do with this blog was do something to make myself feel better about turning 40. In the beginning I wanted to do something special each month leading up to the event. Well...here we are in November and I really have nothing to show for myself. I sound like a whiny baby and I am trying to keep perspective.  I think it is not so much about the unran 5k or the family Halloween photo that didn't happen. I really think it is my disappointment in not being able to stay dedicated to this project. I thought I would be able to devote time to this more often than I am. 

 

Halloween...we finally got a family themed costume idea that everyone would be on board with. Everyone was supposed to be a character from the Adventure Time cartoon. The night of Halloween, the two year old  refused to put his Jake jowls on, Beemo (my oldest)was doubled over on the couch with his weekly stomach pain episode and Finn (my husband) was stuck in traffic, late getting home from work. So we were already behind the eight ball right out of the gate. When we finally had a chance to try to take the photo, candy pieces littered the floor, the little guy was mesmerized by a blue bag of cool ranch Doritos and a camera malfunction added to the pandemonium that ensued. My husband told me that I expected the world and then the Fire Princess (me)  literally saw red and the effed up photo shoot came to an end. 

 

I don't really ask for much but I hate to admit it, I was asking for the world at that moment. You cannot control kids especially when a camera is in play but I was tasting failure again, and I was defeated. Sometimes I feel like the things I want to do often wind up at the bottom of the pile, perhaps to be revisited when I am about to turn 50. I feel like I am constantly getting lost in the shuffle.

 

But on the upside, a few neat things have happened that have made me realize that trying new things, may be the key to youth. I ate a slice of tomato for the first time a few weeks ago. A coworker brought in homemade hoagies and there were slices of tomato on them. I didn't want to pick them off in front of the others in the office so...I chomped away. Not bad. Also I've started drinking black coffee at work. This also started because I am new in the office and didn't want to look like a sissy and say, "hey, where is the half and half? Sugar?" I am not saying that this is my new mode of drinking coffee but I am enjoying it in my work setting. I also like the decrease in my sugar intake!

 

Last week, I was told that despite the fact that I have 3 children, one of whom is 11, I look about 19. Ok, this is so far from the truth, especially since a  dye job is months overdue and I am a few weeks away from looking like Emmy Lou Harris but... sometimes lies when spoken by a man who is not your husband are easy on the ear. So what if the guy is in his 50's, is on his second marriage, and has 8 kids? A compliment is a compliment damn it, right?

 

 

 

 

 

Disappointed

Here we are a little over a month into my blog and I must say I'm a little disappointed. I really had hoped to make some progress in making myself a priority but who am I kidding. I am trying to keep the glass half full by looking at the couple of firsts I did have over the past 5 weeks. Even though they were not on the list of things I wanted to do, I am making them count.

I did get a facial which I did allude to in an earlier post. The experience was awesome and the $60 in product I bought is a gift that keeps on giving...just got credit card statement. I do feel good that I am using something expensive and Hungarian on my face each day. (Of course my husband would argue that he's Hungarian and could whip up something for free!) I think I may thin it out too much with water to make it last longer, so that may diminish its benefits. I try hard to look at my reflection and say, "Wow, that shit makes me look like I'm in my 20's!" I know it is not true but I haven't used the mask that came with the travel sized kit yet. So awesome results may be in my future. Maybe I'll wait until I'm 6 months from 40 for that. Looks like I have a date in March.

I also saw my husband and son perform together in a band. Ok, not a real band but one I put together just for my daughter's 9th birthday. She had a rock n' roll themed party and I thought it would be awesome to get my musically inclined relatives to perform her favorite One Direction song, "What Makes You Beautiful." I can't believe how my cousins and inlaws came together for this occasion. We had my brother-in-law on keyboard, my cousin's son on drums and her soon to be fiancé on guitar, my other cousin's husband on vocals, my husband on bass and my son on cello. They practiced individually but rehearsed the day of the party. Even though I was semi pissed when it was time for the show, because I had been running the party solo upstairs while the Miller Lites were flowing in the garage, it really was worth it. My daughter loved it and so did all the party people. I was so proud of everyone but especially my husband and my son. Both are very shy and came out of their comfort zones to make a little girl happy. This was my dream and I made it happen...this makes me feel young and hip and so...rock n' roll.

I may not have been doing what I wanted to do over the past month, my 5k or taking an art class but I have been busy. Rediscovering myself has to involve the person I am now, a wife and mother. Finding ways to be myself within these roles is what makes the journey tricky. Being satisfied with what I am able to achieve within my current constraints is what I struggle with.

Here Come The Waterworks

It happened again. Another pre 40 meltdown. The first one happened a few months ago while watching the movie This Is 40. As Paul Rudd's wife in the movie was celebrating her 39th birthday, again, I had a harsh realization that my August 2013 birthday would be my final for my thirty's. The tears came and they came hard. I could not stop the powerful emotions that overtook me. I woke up the kids with my wailing and scared my husband. He normally is a good consoler but the vibe I was getting was "what the Faaaaaa?"

So this second one happened last night. This time we were watching a tv show and a 9 year old boy asked his dad how old he was. The dad muttered 41, and the kid replied, that is old. Much like the first time, the tears just gushed but luckily all kids remained in bed. The main thing different about this time, is that Rex Goliath was in the house and so was my monthly visitor, whom we  affectionately call Hilda. Both may have helped to create a perfect storm of irrational emotionalty.

My husband was even less consoling last night and I think he is over it. The whole me wanting to have a huge 40th birthday party is not what bothers him its the me trying to plan, organize and direct the event. I think he really wants to do something nice but I am not letting him for fear of being disappointed. I know in my heart I cannot be disappointed on this birthday especially in my aging state of mind.

Men just don't get it. I told my husband that part of the problem is that his sexiest years are still ahead of him...salt and pepper hair, furrowed brow, hearing loss. My sexiest days are past. Of course that is probably not a result of my age but because of the three children I carried. Holy stretch marks Batman! I had my first ever facial last weekend, which was awesome but I ended up buying a $60 travel size kit of products because I was told my face is showing signs of aging. When I told my husband about the organic Hungarian face crème I bought, his response was take it back. He then brought up my 92 year old grandmother who had great skin for nine decades and all she used was Noxzema and nicotine.

So in closing I have learned a few things, I need to stop watching movies and tv for awhile and start smoking.