A Whipple Reflection

Life got a little crazy for my family two months ago.  In some ways it seems so much longer than that considering what has been happening. On February 14, my father had something called the Whipple procedure. Don't worry if you are not in the know. I hadn't heard of it either.

This particular procedure is used to remove tumors from the pancreas. It is a complicated surgery with too many details, which I won't bore you with, but basically after having the Whipple, you wake up with less than what you started with, and I am not just talking about the tumor. (If you Google it, you can get all the amazing details and you can even watch the surgery if you are up for that.)

Once the tumor was analyzed we learned it was cancer, but dad's doctor is confident that it was caught early and all the bad stuff is gone. The chemotherapy has begun, which is just a precaution, in case there are any lingering cancer cells, and in five months, my dad will be able to get back to normal.

I have learned so much since February. I have learned that the pancreas has three parts: the head, neck and tail. I have learned there are quite a few body parts people can live without. I have also learned that angels are around disguised as people, especially in hospitals.

A stranger hugged me when I was alone and needed a shoulder to cry on. A stranger made an elevator full of people, including my mom, laugh when we needed some comic relief. And nurses, don't get me started on nurses, we had a few who certainly have invisible wings. They treated my dad like he was part of their own family. Their care and concern made a not so good situation bearable.

My dad's five hour surgery happened on Valentine's Day and his first chemotherapy was on his 45th wedding anniversary. Those special days have even more significance now that we are on this journey. There was some wiggle room on the chemo start date, but my dad didn't want to wait. The sooner you start, the sooner you are done and that finish line will only get closer with each week.

So many families have their own stories about cancer and the aftermath. No two stories are exactly the same but it is comforting to know that we are not alone. A lot of helpful advice has been passed along and words of encouragement. It is like a warm blanket you can take with you. The cancer/chemo club is not one you choose to be a part of, but once you are in you find yourself in some pretty amazing company.

When my dad was serving our country in Vietnam, he made a sign that said U.S.A. Each day he was there, he would color a section of each letter in as a countdown to when he would be back home. Nolan and Nick made him a chemo sign to mark off each treatment as he moves closer to the goal of being cancer free and capable of enjoying all the blessings life can bring.

Let It Go!

I know I am not alone when I say I have a sad little patch of daffodils that just gave up. They are hanging their festive yellow heads down to the ground like they have had it. I know guys. I get it.

Photo by Nolan Keleschenyi

I normally look forward to the daffodils coming up each spring. I inherited them from the lady who we bought our house from 13 years ago this month.  Their vibrant green stems usually pop up underneath a blanket of last year's faded mulch, ushering in the newness of the season.

But this year was different.  When I would walk past them I would say, "Not yet, guys. Hang in there." Our spring weather has been so wacky, I didn't want their beauty to be wasted on a winter that refuses to leave. But they didn't listen. They bloomed right on schedule and have been covered with more snow than they probably ever have in the years we have lived here.

Like the flowers, I am trying to shake the cold weather blues. Right now, as I am writing, I am wearing a coat and scarf. I don't want to do that anymore. Not that my pasty white skin is a great alternative, but my pores want to breathe. We get an 80 degree day, like over the weekend and then bam a coating of snow.  I don't want winter pinching me every couple days. This April Fools joke has been the worst and no one is laughing.

What can we do about this? Absolutely nothing. We are Mother Nature's hostages and are waiting for someone, anyone to rescue us. And the kicker is that since the time change we have more hours of daylight to enjoy the gloom. At least before, we could nod off early and call it a day. "What it's only 5:30 p.m.? Well, it is dark outside so I am going to bed." Now it is light until about 8 p.m. and I cannot go to bed with any brightness coming through my curtains and a view of sad foliage trying to survive in unfavorable conditions.

Of course if it wasn't snowing in April we would find something else to complain about, but Tuesday's gripe of the day was the white stuff I had to clear off my windshield. My little guy and I were out with our Steelers' ice scraper taking that layer of frozen precipitation off of our vehicle. All of this done in the shadow of our little daffodils, completely drooped over from the weight of the icy slush.

Then I have what I think is a cherry tree in my backyard. Its lovely pink blossoms are in full splendor, despite the winter that will not quit. I love when the tree blooms yet I know the beauty is temporary. The gale force winds from Sunday night blew quite a few of those blooms off the tree which made our car, parked in the driveway, look like it was decorated for a wedding, like the kind Elsa from Disney's Frozen would have. Pink buds and a blanket so snow - I'm sorry but I'm ready to Let It Go!

I'm not sure what to make of this horrible spring. I think we all just want some consistency with extended warm weather, which we are desperately in need of, to boost our spirits. Have you heard anyone say, "Oh, great, more snow," and mean it? Or, "Yay, another coating! This is the best spring ever!" If you have please let me know. I would like to meet this unique individual and find out what makes them tick.

Maybe like me you have turned to sweets to overcome this weather confusion. Between this week's pint of Ben and Jerry's and the double donuts at work on Tuesday, this technique is keeping me going by adding some extra insulation to my weary bones. If I still have to wear a winter coat then another helping of dessert please. I'm drowning my sorrows in sugary goodness.

So where does it end? Who knows. According to the National Weather Service, the latest snowfall on record here in Pittsburgh was on May 31, 1893. It was only a trace of snow 125 years ago, but 0.5 inches of snow fell on May 25, 1925 and three inches were measured on May 9, 1966. It looks like we might have to wait until June to call it officially over for winter. But that is ok. From there we will have three months before it starts all over again. The earliest snow was recorded on September 23, 1989.

Call Me If You Need Anything.

 How many times have we said those words? How many times have we actually meant those words? How many times have we delivered?

I know I have said that quite a few times over the years. It seems like that is a go to when I don't know what to say, especially during a time of loss. 'Anything' covers a lot of territory. It could run the gamut from essentials like food, water, and clothing to transportation. It could also mean something as basic as a shoulder to cry on or an ear to listen.

I am sad to admit that there have been times when I worried about my offer...wondering if someone would actually take me up on it. What would I do? Could I deliver?

I am not a person who typically calls people for anything. I have leaned on my neighbors when I needed an egg, some sugar or to borrow a can opener, when mine broke mid-recipe, but I do not usually ask for help - even though there have been times I could have used it.

I am not sure why I am reluctant to ask. It might be something with my DNA or the way I was raised but I like to be self-sufficient. I don't want to seem like a bother or nuisance or even worse...weak. Yes, those reasons seem quite silly especially when you are in the midst of a problem and especially if someone has already put the offer out there and it is just dangling....

I recently took a friend up on the 'call me if you need anything'. I debated on what to do and if I should reach out, but it wasn't for me - it was for my dad.

He has been dealing with some health issues and recently ended up in the emergency room. The emergency room is not where you want to be on a regular day, but now it is even worse. The flu is really an issue this year and many people are sick. I have seen the reports on the news, but I kind of tuned it out. Come to find out this week that there are no rooms at local hospitals. They are filled with people who have the flu.

After tests were run, it was determined my dad should be admitted to a nearby facility. It would require a ride in an ambulance to facilitate the process. This sounded easy enough until we found out there were no beds available at the time. Ok, a minor set back, but it didn't seem like it would be that long before he would be able to make the transfer.

Twelve hours later....it was apparent that no one was going anywhere any time soon. My dad was told he might have to stay in the ER for another day. This was nobody's fault - it is just the way things are right now, but I knew it was time for me to call someone because I needed something.

That is when the texting began. I called upon a childhood friend who over the past couple years I have reconnected with. She works within the hospital network and was really our only hope of rectifying this situation. I was not sure if I was doing the right thing and I thought the worst that could happen is she could say, "Sorry, I tried." That would have been ok too because then I would have had the peace of knowing I, too, had in fact tried.

Within three hours the situation was resolved. No, my dad did not get a bed, but he did get released to go home where he would be more comfortable and out of the flu zone.  He was spoken to by a manager about all the tests that were done and what they meant. He had an appointment with a specialist in two days. He had peace of mind and it was because we needed help and I called someone.

I am still shocked at the way things played out this week. I don't know exactly what my friend did or how she did it, but she made a huge difference in our lives. My take away from this is that it is ok to ask for help and if you try sometimes you just might find, you get what you need. (Yeah, I stole that, but I don't think Mick and the boys will mind.)

 

Parenting 3.0

Parenting is hard. I have regret that I didn't start to fully appreciate what my parents have done for me until I became a parent myself. There is so much that I didn't know. The worry, the sacrifice, the love, the frustration... the anger.

Well, in actuality my parents were rarely mad at me because I was the classic first born. Cautious, smart, motivated. My fear of making a mistake or getting in trouble kept me from going off book. I did my homework without being asked. I had like minded friends. I steered clear of bad things. Yes, I was a parents' dream.

But I imagine things would have been a little harder on my parents if I had had a cell phone. During my teen years, my mother especially was vigilant, keeping tabs on my phone conversations. But looking back, she had it easy. It is hard to plan covert operations when the phone cord could only go so far and oftentimes I would hear my mother breathing - she would listen in on the phone in her room.

Nowadays, no such luck. These kids have cell phones and conversations are happening without any barriers. The texting is even worse because conversations can be happening without parents knowing. Messages can be deleted, erased from existence. No trace or indication of bad things that might be brewing.

My generation is at a huge disadvantage. We are the first to have to navigate through these murky waters and there is no playbook. We no longer have a landline in our home, which in some ways has contributed to the problem. My kids will never have to say Keleschenyi Residence when answering a phone tethered to the wall and will never have to write down a message for either my husband or I.

There are communication skills being lost and sometimes I notice my kids don't even know how to talk into a phone. I have pointed this out to them, but I still get disconnected from my daughter multiple times when I talk to her because she cannot properly hold a phone. Ugh!!

While their phone etiquette is frustrating, it is really the least of my concerns. My kids take their phones to school. With everything that has been going on in schools across the country, it is nice to know they're only a text away.

 Last year, there was a fight in the cafeteria on a day he was not allowed to take his phone to school. I was consumed with worry as there was not much information being disseminated. I could not wait to see him get off the bus. I regretted my phone decision that day.

My daughter, in junior high, keeps her phone in her locker for fear of having it spotted by a teacher and taken away. My oldest, at the senior high, keeps his on his person. Some of the high school teachers allow students to go on their phones if there is extra time at the beginning/end of class or if there is a substitute. He uses it at lunch to play games, listen to music and browse the web. This is usage I cannot keep track of and it is scary.  He wanted a new phone for Christmas so he could play games with his friends, while eating his Italian dunkers, that his current phone does not support. Nope.

Don't get me started on social media. Kids create screen names and I don't know who they are. (My brain can barely remember people's real names.) We have tried to monitor this as well but, in this case, it is rocket science.  I feel like a salmon swimming upstream in a tech charged pool and I am drowning. I don't know how to protect my kids from predators who may lurk in the invisible 4G web. I don't remember The Jetson's covering this topic.

My husband and I check texts, that are not deleted, we limit phone time and computer time at home, but there are ways around our vigilance and our oldest son, especially, knows that. Since I am not tech savvy, I am behind the 8 ball from the start. I long for the days of old with landlines and answering machines. Wait for the beep.

I would love to be able to stifle my breath as I hold a receiver that I'm listening in on. Bottom line, I just want to protect my kids and teach them to proceed with caution. (Classic first born.) There are so many amazing things about how far technology has come since my teen years, but I didn't know a background in computer programming would be a prerequisite to get through my parenting years.

Food For Thought

I hate football. Oops. Did I say that out loud?

Ok. Maybe hate is a strong word. I just really don't get a lot of enjoyment out of watching football.

It's like the instructions on a bottle of shampoo...wash, rinse, repeat but throw, catch, score. It's repetitive and can be a little boring especially that one play where the guy runs into a wall of other guys and actually gets negative yardage. Wait, did I just use football words?

I grew up in a home where sports were very important. We were equal opportunity really. Fall/winter = football, spring = basketball, summer = baseball and golf. The only thing my dad and brother did not get into was hockey. But they have made up for lost time since my brother-in-law joined the fold and taught them all the ways of the puck.

When I was little, my parents would host Steelers parties when my dad wasn't actually at the game. Back in the 70's, when tickets were around 5 bucks, it was probably cheaper to go to a game than cater an event for a house full of people.

Even though I didn't like watching the game or understand the game I did like the variety of party snacks that were on hand for sampling. My mom's shrimp dip, spinach dip, Chicken In a Biskit crackers, Gibbles potato chips and Tom Tucker ginger ale were just some of the items I remember. There were probably really yummy foods my mom made that were not snacks, but I never made it that far. My belly was full from all the dips and the chips.

It would only make sense, based on my childhood experience, that food brings me to football. Because I am a good wife and hold my wedding vows true (I took my husband for richer or poorer, in preseason and post season and all the Steelers Sundays till death do us part) I do sit in the room when the game is on, but multiple times he'll say, "Hon, check out the replay" or "Did you see that" or "Watch this" because I am really not paying close attention.

Everyone has their passion and football is not mine but I will happily be around when an important game is on if....there is food. And I have made some good dips to keep my fingers busy including, spinach, hot crab and my mom's shrimp dip. I bring back those Chicken In A Biskit crackers for the crab dip just for old times sake but only sparingly because I can and have eaten a whole box.

We watch the Super Bowl each year as a family and play Super Bowl bingo which makes it fun for two of my kids who like me, are also just in it for the food and the commercials. They have a playing card and have to watch for things like famous person in the stands, player crying during the National Anthem and talking animals. 

We eat multiple courses and just last year we started making foods special to the cities represented. For the AFC playoff game last year, I made a complete English meal in honor of the Pats with Welsh Rarebit, fish n' chips and scones. This year, since most of us are rooting for Philly, except my 7-year-old who happens to like the colors silver and blue, our meal will consist of cheese steaks and soft pretzels. I even have some New England recipes for Joe Froggers (a colonial times cookie) and fluffernutters - a grilled sandwich with peanut butter and marshmallow fluff.

Yes, I've already done my food homework for the Super Bowl because like I said, for me it is all about the food. Unfortunately, now I have two weeks to think about all the food and yes, I'm hungry. Sounds like I need a box of Chicken In A Biskit crackers to tide me over.

2017 AFC Championship Game Food

Temporarily 43

Sometimes the truth hurts. I was made aware of that this past weekend.

I had taken my oldest and his friend to the mall to do some serious shopping. The deals now, as teens these days would say, are off the chain as stores are getting rid of fall/winter merchandise to make room for spring and the hot new items for 2018. It truly is a great time to go shopping, if you don't think about the fact that a few weeks ago you spend $49.00 on a pair of boots that are now going for $9.00.


I had packed up my laptop hoping to take advantage of the free Wi-Fi in a quiet corner of the mall to get some work done. I also had visions of sipping hot tea and being alone to deal with my cabin fever after the weekend snow storm kept me holed up in the house with my brood. My plans came to a screeching halt when we remembered the Youth Escort Policy at the mall on weekends. Teens are unable to walk around without an adult after 6 p.m. on Fridays and Saturdays.

Ok. Change of plans. No big deal. I escorted them to Forever 21, a store that was having a crazy sale. Racks of clothes priced between $5 and $7.  Buy one get one. Shoes 75% off. A young lady could get a whole new wardrobe if she was savvy and had a eye for a bargain.

I kept my distance from my teens, letting them do their thing while I checked out possible deals for this Over 21 consumer. I checked out the shoes - finding a pair of black Beatle boots that caught my eye and actually fit my narrow, podiatry challenged feet. But then I got a little cocky. I branched out. I made it to the million percent off racks. I started to look at the clothes.  l forgot my age and let my guard down.

I am well aware of items that are appropriate for a 21 year old verses someone 2 times 21. I did recognize the see through material, short skirts, and shirts that would not make it past my belly button and I kept my distance.

 But there were some nice coats I tried on, and actually almost bought. One of the coats caught the attention of another shopper who told me she just bought the same one and loved it. She seemed a little older than me, her lovely dreadlocks were mostly gray, so I got a boost of confidence - maybe I could shop in here.

Then I made it over to the dresses. There were some as cheap as $5!!! Again I let my guard down and was blinded by the sale. I had two events to attend the next day and was thinking a new dress would be just the ticket to boost my blah winter mood.

I selected a few off the rack and made it to the dressing room. I steered clear of my teens because I didn't want them to see I was actually trying things on. I wanted to make sure something fit before I announced this forty-something found something on the fountain of youth racks.

The dressing room attendant was polite. He did not make me feel like I didn't belong. He showed me to my room and I could not wait to see how these dresses looked.

Now, don't get me wrong. The items I picked out were age appropriate. One was a wrap dress and the other was a long sleeve straight A- line dress with a scoop neck. I chose two mediums because they looked like they would fit me, but boy was I wrong.

Sometimes I forget about what happened to my body after giving birth to three kids.  How parts like my hips, chest and thighs will never be the same. Plus, there is a lipoma (benign fatty tumor) on my right side that, according to my doctor, could be surgically removed but since I'm not wearing a bikini anymore, why bother.

When an interior button on the wrap dress I tried on went flying across the dressing room, and the curved slit up the middle revealed more than I show my husband, reality came tumbling back.  I am a former 21 year-old who has evolved into more conservative, less form fitting attire.

I actually had fun browsing at the mall this past weekend. I got some ideas of how I can spruce up my wardrobe and did get complements from my kids when I wore my new black boots with an old dress that kicked it up a notch.  My figure might not be Forever 21, but apparently my feet are! So to borrow words from Nancy Sinatra, "Are you ready boots? Start walking."

                     



You Say You Wanna A Resolution

Resolutions smezalutions. I did not make any resolutions this year. I normally do, but within a few weeks I always give up. Last year I started a happiness journal. By day 5, I was done. Either I had a year's worth of happiness in 5 days or I got lazy. What do you think?


So this year I am weighing my options. I do get invigorated with the start of a new year and wanting to make positive changes but sometimes it is overwhelming because I set out to change everything. I wanna get organized, eat better, be happy, enjoy life, pet a zebra, take it slower, visit a foreign land...see what I mean? A monumental set up to fail. Big time.


A friend of mine does a resolution a day - one thing each day that she works on. I kind of like that idea. Manageable and practical - plus you get to work on many things throughout the year instead of just one. Maybe I can find a few good ones that I can rotate throughout the months? Put more emphasis on chocolate, revisit naptime, make wine a priority today - good start, right?


Last year, my cousin made an accountability chart for his fitness regimen.  He completed 200 workouts in 2017. He was able to post his completed sheet a few days before New Year's Eve. I think that is a nice idea. Have something tangible so you see your progress and then reflect on your accomplishments at the end of the year. Whatever I choose, I need motivation, so having something to measure my progress would be helpful.


Facebook has been awash with motivational phrases since 2018 rolled in...

Every year is a new beginning.

You don't need a new year to make changes - you only need a day.

Everything is better with hot tea!

That last one is in honor of Mariah Carey who on New Year's Eve only wanted a cup of tea while performing half naked in subzero temps in Times Square.  (Ok, she wasn't really half naked, but some parts were more visible than others.)   I don't want to be cliche but I think girlfriend is onto something. We should adopt the English way in 2018 and have tea time each day whether it's cold or not and whether we have to sing or not. Although when you have tea you have to have scones and a scone each day will make that girlish figure go astray, especially if you are using the traditional clotted cream.


I do want to improve my life so maybe I can start simple. I would like to make the things I have to do each day a little better. Like when I get up in the morning, having a Keurig by my bed so I can enjoy my coffee first thing before escaping the sheets. Especially on these cold mornings, a hot Cup of Joe on my nightstand would be a decadent pleasure for sure. I can imagine I am waking up in a royal palace like Queen Elizabeth, but 50 years younger, with kitchen staff waiting to meet my every whim. Geez, I need to stop watching The Crown on Netflix.


When I have to take my son to school, I would like to listen to something fun (not news) on the drive that gets us moving and feeling good.  I am thinking his new Aquabats ( a rock band geared toward kids) CD will be perfect to kick this resolution off. With song titles like "Worms Make Dirt" and  "I Fell Asleep on My Arm" - we are bound to let out a few chuckles while barreling down Route 30 trying not to hit every traffic light.


In rooms of my house, like the kitchen and laundry room, where I spend a great deal of time doing thankless tasks, I need to infuse some sort of beauty to enjoy while I carry out particular chores. I think I will hang some art, like a Campbell's Soup can, by the washer and dryer or even make something creative with the lint from the trap or empty dryer sheet boxes that can boost the aesthetics of the space.  Filling the room with ambiance will boost my mood when I find pieces of kids' clothing that were thrown in the hamper, that I know are clean, but were never hung up from a previous wash.


And finally, when I check off a block of boxes on my 'Make the Little Things I Do Each Day A  Little Better' accountablitiy chart, I need to have a reward like - celebrate your birthday even though its not and eat some cake. I already know the kind I want and where to get it. Resolution motivation secure - 2018 is going to be so sweet.