Till Death Do Us Part

  

Death and life.

Life and death. 

This past weekend, my husband and I attended our first wedding in four years. The ceremony was held at the amazing gothic Sacred Heart cathedral in Shadyside. 

It is a treasure you take for granted if you live around here. When you step inside, you are transported to Paris, Cologne or Florence and are immediately lost in the architecture and little nuances embedded in every inch of the impressive structure from the tile floor to the wooden ceiling. 

It is the perfect setting for a Cinderella-like bride to walk down the aisle, accompanied by a man in uniform, to join with her forever love. It was very romantic. But when you take away all the visuals and listen to the words, it becomes a good exercise in marriage evaluation; especially for couples who have been on a journey for decades. 

I get emotional at weddings for many reasons but I guess it is mainly because my husband and I are so far removed from that new love stage. For couples hearing the ‘to have and to hold’ and ‘to cherish’ it sounds absolutely lovely. But when you add the  ‘in sickness and in health’, ‘richer and poorer’, ‘til death do us part’ things get a little less dreamy. 

When you’ve been married 22 years, and you’ve got multiple teenagers in the house, you are in the thick of the less dreamy part. Lately, when my husband and I wake up in the morning, I whisper, “Let’s run away.” He whispers, “Ok.” and then closes his eyes for a few more winks of sleep. 

For us, there is nowhere to run but we also know there is nowhere else we would rather be. We are in it together and no matter how hard it gets, we understand what we vowed to do decades ago. And with that he gets up and makes our coffee and oftentimes he’ll bring me my first cup. It’s no diamond ring or view of a Tuscan village but, at this point, caffeine is our love language.

As luck would have it, the DJ played our first dance song during the wedding reception. It was an exciting moment for us to hear the Beatles “Something” as we danced near the new bride and groom. Old love and new love may look different but deep down inside they are the same. Comfort, trust and affection - yep, we’ve still got it. 

Just a few days after the wedding, I found myself standing in a hospital room. I stood there holding my aunt’s hand and she attempted to comfort her husband of 56 years. My uncle was hooked up to a ventilator to help him breathe. He had been sick for a few months and he took a turn for the worst. A priest came to give him his last rights. 

My aunt said something that was both beautiful and heartbreaking in the same breath. 

“I don’t want you to go but this is how it has to be.”

To love someone enough to not want to see them suffer. To love someone enough to put their needs in front of your own. To recognize the gift of 5 decades of marriage, thankful for each day you’ve shared, both good and bad, and knowing your time together is nearing its end. At that moment, I saw those marriage vows, the ones I heard just a few days prior, come to life before my very eyes and only then did I truly understand what they are all about.

Death and life.

Life and death. 

In the same breath they give and they take away. But the great uniter is hope. Hope that we will one day be together again with those we love after they depart. The hope that love never dies and goes beyond this life and transcends into the great unknown. 

Seeing love from all sides in the past week has been eye opening. I can only hope that I can carry the lessons I’ve learned and truly celebrate the gift I’ve been given. Yes, my husband and I are in the less dreamy stage of marriage and the days of flirting, rapid fire kisses, and Sunday Fundays have been replaced by quick dinners, grocery shopping and Home Depot runs, there is beauty in those as well.

I wish my newlywed friends the gift of a long, loving, and fulfilling marriage. I wish my aunt and uncle a love that lasts until the end of time.

*My blog is featured in the On My Mind column of The Valley Mirror Newspaper each week. The paper serves the Steel Valley and Woodland Hills communities.