Operation Sixteen Candles

 

It was only a matter of time. 

We knew the risks but also yearned for some normalcy for our children. So, we put on our best smiles, sent the kids off and hoped for the best. Everything seemed to be going fine and then, just like that, multiple high school activities put on hold thanks to covid-19.

Here were my daughter's choices: get a nose swab or quarantine for 14 days. She may or may not have been exposed to the virus while at a recent rehearsal. But what happens when your 16th birthday and party fall during that 14-day period? You sigh and prepare to scramble once again for a Plan B or even C - something we've all been doing since March. 

I'm getting good at scrambling but not so good I don't feel guilt. Guilt that I let my better judgement get away from me. Guilt that I let the party planning get this far. Guilt that, once again, I cannot protect her from disappointment. 

With my oldest son it was easy.  A few months ago, he was a graduating senior. Plan Bs were coming together before our very eyes in the final weeks of school. Everything prior to that had been cancelled: the musical, concerts, senior breakfast. But he was ok with (yes, I'll say it) the new normal. He didn't want all the hoopla attached to those rite of passage events. He was fine with scaled down, low key and under the radar. 

My daughter on the other hand is like me - wants what has been expected. Wants the pomp and circumstance of it all. Wants to be the center of the universe on her 16th birthday. You only turn 16 once, right? She wanted the party - wanted to be surrounded by a few of her friends. (You know, still mindful of social distance.) Wanted, in this crazy world we live in, to put aside all the madness and just be a kid without all the worries that come with it right now -masks, online learning and lack of stability. 

I am unable to deliver her one simple wish.

Looking back, I don't really remember my 16th birthday.  My mom tells me all I wanted to do was spend the day at Kennywood. Although I don't remember this day of August fun 30 years ago,  I do remember what was waiting for me when I came home. I remember going up to my bedroom and seeing a new television - already set up and turned on. Up to this point, I did not have a television in my room. This was a game changer. This electronic device allowed me to watch MTV whenever I wanted especially on Sunday nights when the alternative music show 120 Minutes was on past midnight!

Like me, my daughter will not be getting her license right at 16 so, there has to be something special to overshadow that fact. I've been going a little overboard furnishing her new bedroom - new sheets here, a desk there - oh wait, a new comforter. I just feel so helpless that buying things is all I can do.

When my grandmother turned 16, she had already dropped out of school to get a cleaning job to help support her family. This was during the depression. She gave her paycheck to her father, wishing she could buy the things a teenage girl longs for - stockings, makeup, clothes. Once in a while, after a day of cleaning, she would come home with things of little value, like knee-high stockings, which she would put on in secret so her parents wouldn't see, to allow her a few secret moments to feel - like a kid. 

I don't know what to do at this point. It is hard for me because in the grand scheme of things, a missed party isn't all that big of a deal. (Especially when you hear my grandmother's story!) But if we were talking about turning 15 or 17 it wouldn't even be an issue. If in 30 years, all my daughter remembers about this milestone birthday is how happy she was with the new stuff she got for her bedroom, I guess that isn't all that bad. Heck, I associate my 16th birthday with a new television. 

But I am not one to back down from a challenge. Covid, you may have me backed in a corner but I will not let you win. I'll do my best to let my girl have a special day no matter what it takes - I've learned from the best and now it's time to put my planning skills to the test. Operation Sixteen Candles - Let's go!

Nora's 16th birthday 9/18/14