Not Ready For This

The day is here. 

The day I have dreaded for 17 years. Can you believe it? No? Well, put yourself in my shoes. In a few short hours I may have a licensed teen driver in my house.

Now many have you have been through this before. You are probably shaking your head in solidarity. But I am on the precipice of sheer madness and there is nothing I can do to stop it. 

Luckily, for me, this journey took a lot longer than it should have. My son got his driver's permit 19 months ago. We've had to renew it once. But let's face it. He really wasn't ready. His father and I weren't really ready. Our journey unfolded at our own snail-like pace. 

There was much talk between my son and his sister last summer about getting his license so he could drive them both to school for his senior year. There was also much talk about stopping at Dunkin' Donuts every day and getting frappatinos and mochalottos, which neither of them had the budget for. All the "talk" came mostly from the younger member of the duo. But that ship came and went due mostly to lack of motivation on his part and lack of sheer interest on my part. 

Here is the reality. My son is smart; super smart, but lacks some common sense. I've seen him get in the car and wonder why it isn't moving. Yes, he forgot the keys. I have seen my son run through a stop sign and then say, "Oh, I didn't see that." (But hey, haven't we all done that?)

But I've also seen him flawlessly pull into a parking spot I never would have attempted. I've seen him merge perfectly when I didn't think he had checked his mirrors. He has assured me - "Mom, I've got this."

At this point I cannot hold him back any longer. I have to encourage my little bird to fly and the best way to fly is to start up the car and hit the gas. I know from my experience I wasn't a good driver at first. In fact, I failed my first driver's test because I didn't use my turn signals once. But in my defense, the test was in a parking lot. Why did I need to signal in an empty parking lot? (Can you tell I am still bitter?)

Heck, I couldn't even parallel park until months after I had my license when a friend's father saw me struggling one day and patiently walked me through it. Without Mr. Jones, I would not be the amazing parallel princess I am today. 

So, looking back on experience, I know I need to let go. As luck would have it, when we went online to schedule the test, the first available opening, surprisingly, was today. I skipped past that date and went right to the next available option - July 23 and of course ol' hawk eyes spots the 2nd and says, "What about that day?" 

And I say, "It's booked."

"No, no," he says, "See, there is a spot for 3:45 p.m." (You cannot put anything past this kid except maybe a stop sign.)

I say, "Do you want to do it that soon?"

"YES!" He says, emphatically.

So here we are. I know this is the right thing to do and the next step we must take. Due to the new covid-19 driving text regulations, I'll be the licensed driver in the car with him while the examiner, who will remain outside of the vehicle, administers the test. I was there when the kid came into the world. It is only fitting I'll be there when the open road becomes his. 

Practice makes perfect and yes, we'll start off slow - driving to work, driving to the post office, driving me to the Fine Wine and Spirits outlet. Hopefully, with experience his confidence will grow and my anxiety level will decrease. I know I'll never stop worrying but maybe once I can send him out to get the groceries, I'll look at things in a different light. 

Until then, keep me in your thoughts. Who knows, Independence Day might have a little more meaning this year for one almost 18-year-old.  Yet, I hold this truth to be self-evident, I was not cut out for this. 

Nick, age 7 months, in my Dad's work truck.