An Indisputable Loss

I think many of us are anxious right now. Many of us are wondering about what is going to happen and how will we be affected.

The trial for Michael Rosfeld got underway this week.  If you live in the Pittsburgh area, his name needs no further explanation. He is the former East Pittsburgh police officer who fatally shot 17-year old Antwon Rose II last June.

I am not writing this to initiate a debate about what the jury should decide. I am praying for these men and women in the days ahead. I know their job is not going to be easy.

Many people were impacted by the protests that erupted following the June shooting. I am hoping we do not have to revisit this kind of expression. Antwon's mother has called for a peaceful period during the trial proceedings. Again, I pray people respect her wishes.

There are two sides to every story and this case is no different. But then there is the mother's story. That story only has one side. The side of loss. A heart with a piece missing, a void that will never be filled.

I have had contact over the years with a few women who have felt that loss - a loss I cannot imagine. Somehow they have foundt the strength to get out there and try to make a difference in the name of their children taken too soon.

I am inspired by these ladies. They cause me to be aware that what I have - my three amazing children - are on loan from God.

Last summer, I became very introspective because, as the mother of a 16-year-old, I know the kind of promise a teens' life holds. Will they chose to go to college? What career will they chose to excel at? Which one of their talents will allow them the chance to enjoy the amazing experiences life has to offer?

I remember being at the birthday celebration for Antwon that was held in Rankin last July on what would have been his 18th birthday. A table was decorated with items the young man treasured - his guitar, his writings, his skateboard.

 I stared at the table for the longest time, looking at these things any teen could have accumulated. It brought into focus the enormous loss to not only his family and his friends, but to the entire community.

At that moment I wanted to wrap my arms around my son and never let go. We don't know what life holds in store for the people we love. As a mom, I often want to make time stand still because now is safe, now is close, now is my kids here with me.

I felt guilty being at the party as an observer not a participant. I felt guilty knowing that I could hug my son and Antwon's mom no longer could. I wanted to go home.

Many issues will come up in the days ahead. Whether we like it or not, race will be debated, police brutality will be debated and the events leading up to the fatal shooting will be debated.

There will be an outcome of this trial and not everyone will be happy with the verdict. But no matter what side you are on, there is one fact that remains undisputed...a mother had her son violently taken from her and no verdict will bring him back.