Call Me If You Need Anything.

 How many times have we said those words? How many times have we actually meant those words? How many times have we delivered?

I know I have said that quite a few times over the years. It seems like that is a go to when I don't know what to say, especially during a time of loss. 'Anything' covers a lot of territory. It could run the gamut from essentials like food, water, and clothing to transportation. It could also mean something as basic as a shoulder to cry on or an ear to listen.

I am sad to admit that there have been times when I worried about my offer...wondering if someone would actually take me up on it. What would I do? Could I deliver?

I am not a person who typically calls people for anything. I have leaned on my neighbors when I needed an egg, some sugar or to borrow a can opener, when mine broke mid-recipe, but I do not usually ask for help - even though there have been times I could have used it.

I am not sure why I am reluctant to ask. It might be something with my DNA or the way I was raised but I like to be self-sufficient. I don't want to seem like a bother or nuisance or even worse...weak. Yes, those reasons seem quite silly especially when you are in the midst of a problem and especially if someone has already put the offer out there and it is just dangling....

I recently took a friend up on the 'call me if you need anything'. I debated on what to do and if I should reach out, but it wasn't for me - it was for my dad.

He has been dealing with some health issues and recently ended up in the emergency room. The emergency room is not where you want to be on a regular day, but now it is even worse. The flu is really an issue this year and many people are sick. I have seen the reports on the news, but I kind of tuned it out. Come to find out this week that there are no rooms at local hospitals. They are filled with people who have the flu.

After tests were run, it was determined my dad should be admitted to a nearby facility. It would require a ride in an ambulance to facilitate the process. This sounded easy enough until we found out there were no beds available at the time. Ok, a minor set back, but it didn't seem like it would be that long before he would be able to make the transfer.

Twelve hours later....it was apparent that no one was going anywhere any time soon. My dad was told he might have to stay in the ER for another day. This was nobody's fault - it is just the way things are right now, but I knew it was time for me to call someone because I needed something.

That is when the texting began. I called upon a childhood friend who over the past couple years I have reconnected with. She works within the hospital network and was really our only hope of rectifying this situation. I was not sure if I was doing the right thing and I thought the worst that could happen is she could say, "Sorry, I tried." That would have been ok too because then I would have had the peace of knowing I, too, had in fact tried.

Within three hours the situation was resolved. No, my dad did not get a bed, but he did get released to go home where he would be more comfortable and out of the flu zone.  He was spoken to by a manager about all the tests that were done and what they meant. He had an appointment with a specialist in two days. He had peace of mind and it was because we needed help and I called someone.

I am still shocked at the way things played out this week. I don't know exactly what my friend did or how she did it, but she made a huge difference in our lives. My take away from this is that it is ok to ask for help and if you try sometimes you just might find, you get what you need. (Yeah, I stole that, but I don't think Mick and the boys will mind.)

 

Parenting 3.0

Parenting is hard. I have regret that I didn't start to fully appreciate what my parents have done for me until I became a parent myself. There is so much that I didn't know. The worry, the sacrifice, the love, the frustration... the anger.

Well, in actuality my parents were rarely mad at me because I was the classic first born. Cautious, smart, motivated. My fear of making a mistake or getting in trouble kept me from going off book. I did my homework without being asked. I had like minded friends. I steered clear of bad things. Yes, I was a parents' dream.

But I imagine things would have been a little harder on my parents if I had had a cell phone. During my teen years, my mother especially was vigilant, keeping tabs on my phone conversations. But looking back, she had it easy. It is hard to plan covert operations when the phone cord could only go so far and oftentimes I would hear my mother breathing - she would listen in on the phone in her room.

Nowadays, no such luck. These kids have cell phones and conversations are happening without any barriers. The texting is even worse because conversations can be happening without parents knowing. Messages can be deleted, erased from existence. No trace or indication of bad things that might be brewing.

My generation is at a huge disadvantage. We are the first to have to navigate through these murky waters and there is no playbook. We no longer have a landline in our home, which in some ways has contributed to the problem. My kids will never have to say Keleschenyi Residence when answering a phone tethered to the wall and will never have to write down a message for either my husband or I.

There are communication skills being lost and sometimes I notice my kids don't even know how to talk into a phone. I have pointed this out to them, but I still get disconnected from my daughter multiple times when I talk to her because she cannot properly hold a phone. Ugh!!

While their phone etiquette is frustrating, it is really the least of my concerns. My kids take their phones to school. With everything that has been going on in schools across the country, it is nice to know they're only a text away.

 Last year, there was a fight in the cafeteria on a day he was not allowed to take his phone to school. I was consumed with worry as there was not much information being disseminated. I could not wait to see him get off the bus. I regretted my phone decision that day.

My daughter, in junior high, keeps her phone in her locker for fear of having it spotted by a teacher and taken away. My oldest, at the senior high, keeps his on his person. Some of the high school teachers allow students to go on their phones if there is extra time at the beginning/end of class or if there is a substitute. He uses it at lunch to play games, listen to music and browse the web. This is usage I cannot keep track of and it is scary.  He wanted a new phone for Christmas so he could play games with his friends, while eating his Italian dunkers, that his current phone does not support. Nope.

Don't get me started on social media. Kids create screen names and I don't know who they are. (My brain can barely remember people's real names.) We have tried to monitor this as well but, in this case, it is rocket science.  I feel like a salmon swimming upstream in a tech charged pool and I am drowning. I don't know how to protect my kids from predators who may lurk in the invisible 4G web. I don't remember The Jetson's covering this topic.

My husband and I check texts, that are not deleted, we limit phone time and computer time at home, but there are ways around our vigilance and our oldest son, especially, knows that. Since I am not tech savvy, I am behind the 8 ball from the start. I long for the days of old with landlines and answering machines. Wait for the beep.

I would love to be able to stifle my breath as I hold a receiver that I'm listening in on. Bottom line, I just want to protect my kids and teach them to proceed with caution. (Classic first born.) There are so many amazing things about how far technology has come since my teen years, but I didn't know a background in computer programming would be a prerequisite to get through my parenting years.