Linda's Legacy

With Mother's Day approaching, my siblings and I are trying to find a way to honor our mother for always being there for us. She not only brought us into the world, but she nurtures us, teaches us and loves us with every fiber of her being. For me, she is the one person I have always been able to count on - hands down. I strive each day to live up to the example set forth by my mother for my children.

But while I am very lucky to still have my mother around to share her guidance and wisdom - I do not have my mother-in-law. In fact, I never had the chance to meet my mother-in-law. She died six months before I met her son.

Over the years I have often wondered, "Would Linda have liked me? Would we have gotten along? Would she have approved of her son's choice for his wife?"When I have shared these thoughts with my husband of course he says what I want to hear. "Yes, she would have liked you."

But he does admit his mother was very protective of him and that may have caused us to butt heads once in a while. We probably would have exchanged words when after an endoscopy I asked my husband to dig up my flower garden. I really don't think he was down from the anesthesia yet and I was cracking the whip. "Get up sleepy head there is work to do!"

But after 18 years, these questions still linger. I feel like I've missed out on a part of marriage that may have helped me understand the inner workings of my spouse. Oftentimes during the course of our years together, my husband will say to me , "You are your father's daughter" or he will playfully call me by my mother's name when I sneeze after meals, get a name wrong or hoot and holler in a way that is reminiscent of her.

 There are times when my husband's behavior or way he says something reminds me of his dad, but I never know when he is being like his mom. Looking at our three children, I wonder what traits have they inherited from her side of the family. With her ties to Ohio, I wonder, "Is that why my son roots for the Bengals?" And because of her love of country music I wonder, "Is that why my daughter likes Tim McGraw?"

Linda's love of music may also have been a point of contention between she and I. Although she loved The Beatles, she thought Elvis reigned supreme. I know we would have debated that point extensively probably only to resign ourselves to the fact that "I Saw Her Standing There" is one of the best songs ever. I would have given Elvis points for "Kentucky Rain", which gets me every time I hear it - I'm not sure if subconsciously that's because of her family ties to the Bluegrass state.

My husband and I have tried to piece together what we know about her ethnicity and for that reason we celebrate St. Patrick's Day each year. I make corned beef and cabbage as well as soda bread, which has become a beloved tradition. For even the small sliver of Irish that might be represented in my children's DNA, I want them to have a connection to her. God knows we celebrate every Hunky holiday under the sun for my side of the family- they should get the best of both worlds.

I treasure the stories my husband has shared over the years about his mom. I have so many of her handwritten recipes that I wish I had the time to make. I love watching the home movie of my husband's first birthday. He was so miserable sitting in front of his cake and his beautiful mother did everything she could to put a smile on his little face. Etched in my mind is how she removed the small plastic Snoopy from his cake (which I think frightened him) and kissed it to show it was ok - how she sampled the icing to show the baby how it is done - and how she lightly fluttered around the kitchen seemingly so happy to be celebrating this special occasion.

I know Linda was a hard worker and had many jobs over the years. I know she went through years of heartbreak before finally having children. I am thankful that she never gave up on having a family because without her determination and sense of purpose, the world would be without her daughter and son and her five amazing grandchildren.

So while I look forward to celebrating another Mother's Day with my mother, part of me will be thinking about my mother-in-law. While I continue to ponder all the what ifs, I believe in my heart she is always with me.  I may not always recognize obvious moments when her personality is shining through, but with every meal my husband makes, in every song my children sing and in every hug we share - she is there. I may never know if she would have been happy with me for a daughter-in-law, but as Elvis sang, "Like a river flows, surely to the sea, darling so it goes, some things are meant to be."