I am not a frequent flier and for that I recently paid a price. I was flying out of Pittsburgh International Airport for a quick trip to North Carolina. I had not been on a plane for two years so I felt I needed to review the up to date traveling procedures on the airport's website. I did not want any surprises going through security.
I measured out all of my liquids. I placed them in a clear Ziplock bag on top of my clothes. I measured my little suitcase to be sure I would not have to check it. I printed my itinerary and felt confident I was ready to fly.
I had a practical outfit picked out (jeans, t-shirt and a sweater) but I made a regrettable last minute costume switcheroo. I guess I was trying to live out my businesswoman fantasy and pretend I was headed to an executive meeting. "Hey guys, I'm catching the 7:05. I'll be there for our 10:15." I decided to wear a dress - a recently acquired dress that I wore only once but got rave reviews. It has silver bling attached to the neckline- bling that resulted in me getting felt up at the airport.
Even though I do not spend a lot of time at airports, I anticipated certain things. I knew that I would have to remove my shoes. In anticipation I wore peds so I wouldn't stink up the place. Also, I did not try to take any food on the plane even though I knew I would get snacky, which would result in a costlier purchase during my layover in Charlotte.
As I approached the body scanning machine, I was feeling pretty confident that I was adequately prepared and would soon be reunited with my belongings - that was until I noticed my body x-ray. It was lit up like a Christmas tree. The bling on my dress had made me a person of interest. A person that would need further examination. A person in need of a pat down, but not the kind with the cute officer like in some people's (not mine of course) fantasies.
The TSA agent was very nice about it. She knew what the problem was but even though the evidence was on my dress - there had to be further investigation of what was under my dress - specifically the bra region. The lady asked if I would like to go to a private area, but after having three children what was the point? I had been poked, prodded and examined while at my most vulnerable. Allowing the agent to get to second base in the crowded security area was rated G compared to what I've experienced in a delivery room.
The agent was quick but intrusive -feeling in between the girls to make sure I didn't have any explosives hidden. With a rack like mine, who needs explosives, am I right? I know she was just doing her job but if I were going to go postal it would not be in an airport, a place I rarely go. It would be in a Wal-Mart check out line or in the Wine and Spirits store when I miss the last sale day of my favorite vino.
Once I was cleared for take off, I felt like I needed a cigarette but instead settled for a Bloody Mary. I sat at the bar alone forgetting my pretend business meeting and letting the reality of the world we live in set in.
I know the security measures in place are necessary but I sure do miss the pre 9-11 days. The days when people could go to the airport and walk their loved ones to the boarding gate to see them off. The days when you didn't have to worry about your fellow passengers seeing the hole in the big toe of your sock. But most importantly, the days when a woman didn't have to get a breast exam in order to be deemed safe for flight.
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