Being a parent gives you skills you never knew you had. It all starts at the beginning. There are quite a few things that I didn’t think I could do that I have done.
First of all, I was worried that I couldn’t go through the delivery of my children without drugs. When I first saw the epidural needle during my prenatal classes, I knew that was a relationship I would not be able to entertain. Seriously, those needles are huge!
But as things go nowadays women have to keep their options open when they prepare a birthing plan. “If I cannot have the magical birth, where the baby comes out with one little painless push, then I’ll take the painful one with no drugs – spread out over a 15-hr time period.”
I am sure that for my first child I wrote everything out nicely and that an epidural could be administered if the pain got to a frowny face with tears on the faces pain scale. Luckily, I had three births that pretty much stuck to my ideal plan.
Secondly, I never thought I could love people as much as I love my kids. Yes, they drive me crazy and yes, some days I would just like to drop them off at someone else’s house, but overall I love them enough to share my dark chocolate and cash in a good night’s sleep to cuddle with them at times when the wind is too loud, or the fever won’t go down.
This month, my heart broke when I found out my daughter was not treated nicely by a few kids at school. My daughter who recently put little notes that said ‘You’re Awesome’ in random textbooks a few weeks ago to anonymously brighten her fellow students' day. (She came up with this idea herself.)
She was supposed to participate in an activity that she had helped plan but missed the memo on what time and where on the day it was happening. By the time she met up with some of the kids who were also involved she was told she was not needed, and that she should leave.
My daughter did not really let on that she was upset by what had happened and probably would not have made a big deal about it unless I kept fishing for information. I wanted to know all about this event - the one she was so excited about and was excluded from.
The more I kept thinking about it the more mad I became. Why didn’t she stick up for herself? She was supposed to be part of this activity, even though the bulk of the work was over by the time she arrived, why did these girls (who she has known most of her young life) send her away? Why didn’t they include her? Why wouldn't they want her there? So many whys....
I was a timid little girl growing up. Ok wait, I am not sure there is a word in the English language strong enough to describe my level of timidity. Basically my communication was on caveman level if someone spoke to me because I was so shy. In my high school years I started to put sentences together, but it wasn't until college and beyond that I started to express myself - stick up for myself when the situation warranted.
Even now there are times when I let things go when a more outspoken person would not, but I pick and choose my battles. By nature, I'm a peacemaker, but that shouldn't mean doormat. I don't want my kids to wait as long as I did to make their voices count. I want them to be heard now. Although my six year old seems to have a pretty good handle on this skill already, his honesty and straight shooting often make this momma cringe.
I know kids are cruel and sometimes they don't even realize they have hurt someone's feelings. I know from my own school experience, at times I was bullied and at others I was the bully. I have much regret for the times, which I can recall vividly, when I did not stick up for someone or did not include them. Also, I don't remember anyone sticking up for me when my speech impediment was the inspiration for many an impression.
All I can do is pass my wisdom on to my children and hope they don't make the same mistakes I did. These days bullying is talked about freely and openly. It has a definition and schools have programs students are exposed to in an effort to curb this awful phenomenon.
I am not naive enough to think my kids will be treated fairly every day or that they themselves have not bullied someone else. But I hope they are able to take moments like what recently happened to my daughter and learn from them and become stronger. But what I truly hope is that they remember how they felt and will never purposely be the cause of someone else's sadness.
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