Midlife At The Oasis

We have waited a long time for this. We all hung in there when it seemed like summer would never arrive. But it arrived all right in full force this past week with temps close to the 90's. Well, we could complain about that too, but many of us are holding our tongues. We are happy and don't want to tempt a return of the snow, cold and bleakness the past winter brought.

It has been a time to plant flowers, redd up, and get our homes looking less like abandoned dwellings with no signs of life. After a day of yard work, my husband and I sat on our front porch and he said, "We just don't take advantage of our porches enough." I said, "Yeah, you are right." Then I realized it has only been a few weeks since we saw flakes of snow. Yes, friends it was April 20 something when I wrote about my sad little daffodils covered in slush.

So with the rejuvenation warm temperatures bring, I am once again trying to create my oasis. This is something I started last year. I wanted to create a space in my backyard where I could "get away". I utilized my carport and placed a chair, carpet, some flowers and a few decorations so I could have a little retreat when the day called for a little break.

This project died a slow death as a mid-summer storm soaked the carpet before I could remove it. My son's sandbox overflowed one too many times creating a smattering of brownish/black pockets of sand around my spot of solace. (You would think the sand would be a perfect addition for an oasis, but not so much when it is mixed with dirt, chalk and grass.)

And I forgot to mention, the toys, toys, toys, (yes, I am channeling Grinch narrator Boris Karloff in my head). The Jing Tinglers, Flu Floopers and Tar Tinkers were all over my space and they seemed to multiply as the summer went on.  I would have welcomed the Dr. Seuss character to come down from his hill, with his dog Max, and pack up his sleigh with all my kids' junk. In fact, I would have bagged it up and loaded it myself. (Oops, I think my heart just shrunk two sizes.)

Looking back, I have realized the carport was not a good space to set up my getaway. This year, I am trying something a little bit different. I have set up my side porch with chairs and cushions, flowers, candles and a little table. Of course this is another high traffic area but, unless you live in a mansion, you cannot really separate yourself from the rest of your family. At least for my kids, the side porch is somewhere that helps people get to where they want to go and isn't usually the destination.

Don't get me wrong. I love my family, but I just haven't had a place to call my own for nearly two decades. Especially this time of year, after being cooped up all winter long, it is nice to have somewhere to look at the sky, listen to the birds and feel the sun. There is so much beauty in the early spring/summer,  I just can't stand it!

But, I happen to be an aesthetics person so I have to set the mood for all this enjoyment. It doesn't quite work when you are surrounded by clutter, sitting in a folding chair resting on a soggy carpet.

For right now, I am lovin' Oasis 2018. It is by no means perfect, recent patch job had to be completed on cement wall and I could use about 2 feet of extra width, but the view is spectacular. There is an all toys in must go out rule and each night, before bed, I've been doing a sweep to keep my Shangri-la - Shangri-lovely.

So if you are like me - we need to stay the course. Claim our space and remain vigilant. We've got to try and get away every day and soak in the summer - it took a long time to come.

Husband's charcoal bag already infringing on Oasis 2018.

Nice Day For A Royal Wedding

Harry and Megs are getting married tomorrow. No, they are not friends of mine. I am talking about Prince Harry (formally known as His Royal Highness Prince Henry Charles Albert David ) and American actress Meghan Markle. I came up with Megs, you think it will stick? Remember, you read it here first!

Will you be watching the televised ceremony? Do you care?

I dropped the ball on the festivities this weekend. I was going to take my mom and daughter to the Carnegie Science Center where they will broadcast the festivities on their large screen with surround sound. There will be English snacks, mimosas, make your own crown craft and a royal guard for a photo op. We wanted to go. We talked about going. We knew we would have to get up really early due to the time difference. That wasn't going to stop us.

But... as of last Sunday, it was sold out and guess who did not get tickets? Yep, it was me.

No worries. Plan BW (British wedding) in effect. Instead of going to the Science Center we are going to enjoy the wedding from my living room. (I'm pulling out all the stops on this one.) English tea, scones, our own mimosas, not shy with the champagne mind you, will be offered in Keleschenyi Castle where the dress code is jammies and tiaras. It will be more comfortable and less expensive than the other option and the bathroom is just around the corner, where cleanliness is of the utmost importance. (Hee, hee, if my sons remember to put the seat down and perform the royal flush.)

Some people in my family don't understand my fascination with British royalty. I have only Princess Diana to blame. Watching her wedding on television back in 1981 (when I was all of six years of age) it was a true life fairy tale. Remember in those days there were only three Disney Princesses so a little girl could get bored. Diana's dress was that of bedtime stories and Prince Charles was dashing in his black Royal Navy uniform. (Yes, I was crushin' on that future scoundrel, but I digress.)

The wedding was just so beautiful and the couple seemed so in love. Yes, there had to be a happily ever after after all of that, right?

Wrong! But, many look back at Diana and Charles' wedding day as something magical and that is what we buy into...the magic. What girl doesn't want that slipper to fit? Doesn't want the wedding dress train that's four miles long? Doesn't want that kiss - you know, the one that takes your breath away?

Well, ladies and gentlemen, soon enough we find out the truth about fairy tales and the magic is well, sometimes hard to find. But that is the truth if you are a commoner or a royal. We saw that first hand as the marriage of Diana and Charles unraveled. I learned the truth the day after my wedding. My husband and I were already bickering because we were sleep deprived, stressed out and walking miles and miles around New York City when we should have been laying on a beach somewhere. (Honeymoon fail, booking 3 day trip to Big Apple instead of just going back to our apartment near Virginia Beach.)

So, yes, we know the truth about what is reality and what is fantasy, but it is fun to get lost in the fantasy even if just for a day. It'll be nice to watch and run our own commentary as the people arrive at the church in their fancy duds. (I remember some of the ghastly headpieces, called fascinators, worn at Prince William and Kate's wedding - some on top of the heads of his own cousins!) At my home viewing, my mom, daughter and I will have hats and tiaras, which we will change as we see fit. Plus, we will practice our queen wave - as my husband serves us English breakfast made to order.

I'll bring out my Prince Charles scrapbook of newspaper clippings I made when he came to the Pittsburgh area back in 1988. (Don't judge! I was only 13 and apparently bored as hell.) Just last year, I found out Charles and I walked the same halls, decades apart, over at Steel Valley High School, where I have covered quite a few events for The Valley Mirror. It was quite a delight when history teacher Mark Fallon showed me the photo collage, which hangs in the school, of the prince's visit to Munhall and the time he spent with the students.

I will also bring out my commemorative tea cup from Charles and Di's wedding. The cup is a treasure bestowed on me, from my college roommate's mom, years ago. I have never drank anything out of this cup for fear of discoloration,  and the chance of breakage, but maybe just maybe, for this one special day, I'll drink my English Breakfast Tea out of it. Cheerio and sip sip!

So to Harry and Megs, may you have many years of happiness together and to you dear British royal family - thank you for continuing to give us fairy tale moments to celebrate with you and reasons to wear a fancy hat at 6 a.m. on a Saturday.

Speaking Words of Wisdom

It is graduation season and Facebook is awash with college commencement photos. In the weeks ahead, high school graduations will follow suit. It is often time to impart words of wisdom to young men and women closing one chapter of their lives and embarking on the next few hundred pages.

I know my parents imparted important lessons to me over the years but I can't remember any exact phrases that I can quote. My Dad taught me never to quit and always be on time and my Mom taught me not to leave the house without a little lipstick on and if you are having a bad day, getting a shower can be just the thing you need to feel a little better.

Their precepts have come to mind many times over the years, especially when I am running late and am not wearing any makeup. But there are a few proverbs I've collected that have stuck with me for one reason or another. These three phrases are so random and the people who shared them were in my orbit only briefly, but their words have been immortalized in my mind. I'll start in chronological order.



Pick to win, don't pick your friends.

This phrase came from my summer gym instructor back in the 90's. Many kids opted to take summer gym to free up a period during the year to take another class, like a foreign language or additional math credit. While there were many academics in this group, there were also kids that had failed gym during the year so the student body was a bit diverse.

I was not a sporty kind of gal and my skills were limited, but I always gave it my best try. One day we were playing volleyball and I was chosen to be a team captain. I was so excited to get this opportunity, I usually didn't, and I looked around and skill never came into consideration when picking teammates. As I was happily picking my limited talent team, I heard the instructor Mr. Hagedus say, "Bishop, pick to win! Don't pick your friends."

I thought that was terrible advice and although in the end we lost miserably, I had a better time loosing with friends than I would have if I had won with acquaintances. I have not really been in it to win it over the years and I feel my friends have picked me, which makes me the winner.


You can't always be Superman, sometimes you've gotta be Clark Kent.

This one I heard at my first 'real' job. I was fortunate to work for the Municipal Authority of Westmoreland County for three summers while I was in college. I worked with a great bunch of people and had some pretty interesting experiences. I worked in the office with a wonderful group of ladies who handled a variety of duties from taking payments to answering phones. They would take down complaints and send a crew out to handle water problems that came up during the day.

One of the guys on the crew, who went by the nickname Turk, became overwhelmed one day when it seemed like the calls kept coming in and he was being pushed to the limit. Most of the conversations between the office ladies and the guys happened over a two way radio, but this day Turk came in personally. He told the ladies in so many words that he couldn't fix everyone's problem. (Hence the Superman, Clark Kent reference.) This phrase has come to mind many times with my three kids, especially when something has gone wrong and I am expected to fix it. Sometimes even moms need a day to keep the cape in the drawer.


You can have it all, just not at the same time.

These wise words of wisdom came from a co-worker when I was expecting my first child. Bonita's children were older and she finally had the chance to focus on her career. She told me as I was preparing to go from a full time job to a part time job that it wasn't a myth that women could have it all, but that I would have to be patient and enjoy the seasons of motherhood and everything would come together, in its time.

Bonita had such an excitement about her to be back on the job and thankful for the opportunities that were presented. I have been lucky because having a career in communications has allowed me to work part time for 15 years. I have been able to dabble in both radio and print, but I also had to take on other jobs including cashier and caretaker when flexible jobs in my field just weren't there. At times there have been highs and at times there have been lows, but I've kept Bonita's words in my mind along the way.

Hopefully like me, you, dear reader, have been blessed with individuals that have imparted wisdom, which continues to guide you along the bumpy road of life.

1992 - KB's high school graduation day with little sis.
(Rockin' my silver cords!)

Goodbye Mushroom Steak Special

I know nothing stays the same but if you're willing to play the game it's coming around again. -CS

Carly Simon hit the nail on the head with these lyrics from her 1987 hit Coming Around Again but for a few decades something did stay the same. It was a little eatery in McKeesport called Dot's Family Restaurant. It was a place where my family got quarts of chicken soup when we were sick, ate mushroom steak specials with grandma, and enjoyed a good Salisbury steak.

On Monday, Dot's closed it's doors for good. Yes, Carly. I know. NOTHING stays the same.

Some may say, "Kristen, aren't you being a little dramatic?" This is what my sister wanted to say when I called her at 7:00 a.m. last Thursday after I learned of the news. I said something to the effect of, "Dot's has pulled a Kennywood and is closing in four days. (A reference to Kennywood management waiting until the final operating weekend of the 2017 season to tell riders it was curtains for the Log Jammer.)

My younger sis was not happy to be awoken over something 'so trivial' and our conversation ended abruptly. But she redeemed herself minutes later when she texted, 'I'll go there for lunch with you tomorrow if you want.'"

I'm six years older than her so her lack of nostalgia is not her fault . I've had six more years of Dot's soup, clearer memories of dinners with grandma, and age has left me more sentimental. But it wasn't just the food or the memories which made Dot's so special.

It was the fact that in the forty some years that I have been going there, the décor basically stayed the same. The same orange bouncy booths, the same 70's style light fixtures, the same men and women silhouette signs on the restrooms. There were some minor additions here and there over the years, but if ever there was a time machine, Dot's was it.

So my sister and I went to lunch on Friday and heard other customers and restaurant staff lament the closing. I really didn't take in too much of the chatter. I am not exactly sure what the reason is for the restaurant closing or if I really want to know.  I was just happy to be there for one of my final visits, sitting in the booth I remember sharing with my grandma, taking photos of all the things I will miss.

The following day I went back for a rare dinner out with my husband and our kids. We all squeezed in an orange booth, at my request, even though a table would have been more comfortable. It was an intimate meal for sure and amazingly, my kids cleared their plates. They even spared a few fries for me who, as fate would have it, had a dinner that got lost in the shuffle. When my second mushroom steak special in two days finally came, after the rest of my brood had eaten, I was surprised to see it was taken off the bill. I wasn't going to complain. It was my last time eating there after all.

I made a special trip back to Dot's on their final day to get one last quart of chicken soup. They asked me if I wanted it heated and I said, "No".  I knew the quart was going in the freezer to be enjoyed at a later date when maybe someone isn't feeling well and needs a little Dot's magic to put them on the road to recovery.  I make a pretty good chicken soup of my own, but it's not like this special recipe. I'm not even sure what makes it so good.  Is it the thin noodles or the little carrot bites? I have one last chance to find out.

Yes, things change but I liked having somewhere I could go that didn't. Maybe that is one of the reasons Dot's had to close. Maybe the vintage décor didn't appeal to a younger hipper crowd, but if those millennials could have given that mushroom steak special a chance, I know they would have Twittered, Instagrammed and Snap Chatted the hell out of it, so much so that it would have gone viral. MSS DOT'S OMG!

I drove past Dot's Monday evening and both parking lots were full of customers for their last dinner rush. It made me happy and sad at the same time. I have now added steak specials to my list of perfect foods I'll never order again from establishments that are gone for good; along with Irene's Sicilian pizza (former restaurant in East McKeesport) and Mr. Food meatball sandwiches (former deli/mini grocery in Johnstown) . But for now, as long as I can get Murphy's wings, Luciano's pizza and grilled stickies at any Eat n Park, I'll be coming around again.