A Day in the Life

 
"Death and life. And death and life. Right next door to each other! There's like, there's a hair between them. "

That is a quote from one of my favorite movies, "Elizabethtown". Two guys are in a hotel room hallway, where a party is taking place. They literally run into each other and after they introduce themselves, we learn one of them is about to get married and the other is about to bury his father.

Death and life. And life and death.

My husband and I use this quote often because there are many instances where this happens throughout our journey. One door opens and another closes. One chapter ends and another begins. But this quote was in full effect a few weeks ago when in the span of ten minutes my joy turned to tears.

I was lying in bed at the home of some friends in Houston, Texas. My husband and I travelled there for a quick Memorial Day weekend getaway. Because of the hour time difference, I was up a little earlier than usual and, of course, had to catch up on my social media. Scrolling through the posts I learned my son's best high school friend gave birth to her first child. The little one was not due until June but decided to arrive a few days early.

The post filled me with joy as I learned, in the course of a few hours, a couple became a family. A mom became a grandma. Brothers became uncles. We had just attended the baby shower and it was such a lovely day of joy and anxious anticipation. No one knew if it would be a boy or a girl. The post announced that a boy had entered the world and "he is perfect!"

I nudged my sleepy husband, and I told him the news. He smiled and said, "Yay!" I told him he would have said that if it was a girl too. He rubbed his eyes and got out of bed. I decided to crawl back under the covers and see what else was going on in Facebook land. There were tons of wonderful graduation pictures and the usual tons of ads but then I saw a post that stopped me in my tracks. "How do you say goodbye to your hero?"

These words were written by a schoolmate of mine about his dad who had passed away just hours before. I was instantly brought to tears.  I ran into this friend just the week before at a local ice cream store. I hadn't seen him in over a year at least. Our families had been going to the same church and we would see each other there. My dad and his dad went to high school together and then, as their families grew, us kids ended up going to Catholic school together.  Our families have known each other for a long time.

Recently, my dad was talking about his friend, Joe, and told me he really wanted to go visit him. I told him he should but since our families had lost touch I really didn't know if he was up to having a visitor that wasn't a close relative.  Joe had been placed in hospice and we hadn't seen him in a long time. A few days after this conversation with my dad, I ran into Joe's son. I didn't think it was random. I felt it was for a reason. He said his dad would love a visit and told me to encourage my dad to go.

My dad didn't waste any time. After I gave him the room information he went to see Joe the next day. In the evening, I got a call from my dad to give me the recap of the visit. He said it was great and the two had a wonderful time catching up on the kids and grandkids. 

Joe's hearing wasn't the best, but he had a device that would translate what my dad would say and print it out on a screen. It helped facilitate the conversation and no one missed a beat. Joe said that he liked to pass the time by reading mystery books and my dad said he would bring him some new books the next time he stopped.

Within one week Joe passed away. It seems to me God was working behind the scenes to get these old friends together before it was too late. I know my dad would have deeply regretted not seeing Joe before he died. I am overwhelmed by how a random meeting at an ice cream store was not so random after all. I am humbled by my small role in the last days of Joe's life.

Death and life and life and death.  These events unite us throughout our journey on Earth. And sometimes these events bring us together in ways we cannot predict.

  *My blog is featured in The Valley Mirror each week in the On My Mind column. The Valley Mirror Newspaper covers the Steel Valley and Woodland Hills communities.

 

 

                                                    

The Bed The Bear Likes

 

How often you do this depends on who you ask.

Some say every five to seven years. Some say eight. Some say ten. There is no magic number.  But one number that is not thrown around is 25. A mattress is not supposed to last 25 years.

My husband had moved to Virginia before our wedding.  He got a new job but I was unable to join him right away. We picked up a few pieces of furniture from his sister who lives in Maryland with a U-Haul we rented to move him to his new apartment. She had three things to give him, a couch, a bed and an ottoman. That's all you need to get started, right?

His sister's mattress was temporary. New marriage. New bed. I remember shopping for our first bed because it was our first huge purchase. We started our search in a mattress warehouse type store, and it was overwhelming from the start. So many choices! It was sensory overload from the minute we crossed the threshold.

We hadn't even bounced on a bed yet before a saleswoman started talking us up. We proceeded to thoroughly explain our situation. We were young and naive and didn't know we could use the phrase 'we're just browsing'. It didn't take long before she uttered a sentence that would stay with us for two decades of marriage. There was a large bed advertisement poster near where we were standing and she said, "This is the bed the bear likes."

In the poster, there was a large brown bear laying on bed. I guess the message was since bears are in the business of sleep, during their hibernation period, they would know what a good bed was.

But here is the weird part. She said that to us in all seriousness. She didn't let out a chuckle after she told humans to choose the bed an animal would pick. She said her line and expected us to say wrap it up we'll take it. I looked at my then fiancé, but we hadn't been together long enough to have a look that conveys everything without saying a word. I think we told our salesperson we wanted to keep looking and that we were only on our first stop.

We ended up splurging on the bed we finally picked, and I remember signing up for the financing - zero interest if we paid if off within a year. We had never bought anything that cost more than $100 and it seemed very daunting to try and pay $1000 off in twelve months. We had no idea that bed would last us 25 years. If you break it down it's $40 a year. Not a bad price at all.

Until a few months ago, we thought we were keeping our bed for another 25 years. The box spring was in bad shape but the mattress was doing just fine.. that is despite being moved to six different dwellings throughout the decades of our marriage. A few months ago, my husband and I noticed we were waking up feeling sore. Based upon the state of our box spring, we knew it was time to get another mattress.

We went to a nearby department store and visited their mattress section. We laid on so many mattresses it was hard to keep track. There is so much to choose from and there are a lot of foam pillow tops these days. When you have a mattress that has lasted two decades, we wanted to find something similar to last the next two. We went from bed to bed until we found the one we thought could stand the test of time.

Our new bed was delivered last week. I was not home at the time of delivery and that was a good thing. I am very sentimental these days and I bet I would have cried 

when they took the old bed away. My husband had the new bed made up when I got home from work. It looked nice but sleeping in it would be the true test.

 

A week in, I am not convinced this bed is the one for us. It seems a little firm for my taste but who knows. Maybe some time is all it will take to adjust and since we are hoping for another 25-year run, I think we just have to take it day by day.

 *My blog is featured in The Valley Mirror each week in the On My Mind column. The Valley Mirror Newspaper covers the Steel Valley and Woodland Hills communities.

  

A Christmas Story

 

It was my favorite sweater.

It was long, black and it had buttons up the front. It had a belt I could tie around my waist. I could wear it with a t-shirt, and it was thin enough to not make me sweaty. In the winter on really cold nights, I would wear it to bed to stay warm.

It is embarrassing to reveal how old that sweater was. I think it was nearly 20 years old. I know my mom bought it for me and she sure got her money's worth on that one. A few years ago, I noticed it was a little too worn to wear outside the house. It had a few holes around the collar but nothing that prevented me from still wearing it. I lost the black belt that went with it but that was ok. Since I wasn't wearing it out, I used other belts I could find.

I don't know what I was thinking on Thanksgiving, when I wore that sweater over to my parents' house. I had been wearing a short-sleeved blouse and since it was warm that day, I only needed something light just in case. I immediately took the sweater off when I got to my parents' because it felt like a sauna since the turkey and sides were cooking in the oven. I put my sweater on the back of a chair.

Later that evening, when the oven was off and the indoor temperature finally reached a comfortable degree, I put my sweater back on. I did not know I had a large run going down the back. It was so long it extended past the collar and was clearly visible. My dad noticed it right away and quickly pointed it out.

I assured him I had other clothing that did not have holes. I said I just grabbed the sweater quickly when I was on my way out the door and I don't normally wear it out of the house. I thought the case on that subject was closed.

Once the house filled up with guests for dessert, again the temperature warmed up and I removed the holey sweater. Again, I put in on the back of a chair. My dad appeared and said, "I'm just going to take this sweater and put it on my bed in case someone wants to sit here."

I thought that was odd since there was no room for anyone to sit in that particular chair. It was part of the small dessert table and since there were so many desserts to choose from, the table was filled. A few minutes later, my sister and I noticed dad in his room inspecting my sweater. He was really giving it a thorough review and we weren't really sure why. I thought he might be interested in getting out the thread and needle.

The very next day, I called my parents to thank them for hosting Thanksgiving and I asked them how their day was. I expected them to have taken it easy since they had to be exhausted from the day before, but my dad said he just got home. He had been out all day. I asked him where he had to go, and he brushed it off and said he had some errands to run. My dad never goes out on Black Friday so I thought this was strange.  He sounded tired, so I wasn't going to keep him on the phone.

As we were saying our goodbyes, he said, "Make sure you check your side porch."

I went to the porch and there was a wrapped rectangular box leaning against the wall. There was a card attached to the box which looked ready to burst, like something bulky was hidden inside.

My dad wrote in the card, "Well, I think Santa's getting a bit senile. I thought it was Christmas Eve." Inside the box was a new black sweater. It was different from the one I had, but it was long and had buttons going down the front. My dad assured me, in the card, I could take it back if I didn't like it. He had asked for the advice of fellow shoppers to ensure his purchase would be ok. He had called my daughter to get her opinion as well.

 

I didn't take the sweater back. It seems like even after almost 50 years, my parents can't stop taking care of me. Maybe this sweater will last as long as the other one did.

*My blog is featured in The Valley Mirror Newspaper each week in the On My Mind column. The weekly publication covers the Steel Valley and Woodland Hills communities.

 

 

77 Is The New (I don't even know)

 

She had everyone's attention in an instant.

"Oh my gosh!" My sister yelled out from the other room.  "Check out Dolly Parton!"

Dolly performed during the halftime show at the Thanksgiving game between the Dallas Cowboys and the Washington Commanders. It was one of those moments when you just didn't know where to look. I felt weird looking up top and then I felt weird looking down below. My eyes were blinded by sequins, glitter and skin.

I remember seeing those iconic Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders when I was a kid. They were up there on the list of things I wanted to be when I grew up: Wonder Woman, Solid Gold Dancer and Dallas Cowboy cheerleader. (Of course, that was pre-Catholic school. By the mid 80's my sights turned to nun, Laura Ingalls, and Debbie Gibson. More clothes, less dancing.)

The average age of the most famous cheerleaders in the world is 25 but women can audition when they are 18 years of age. The oldest lady to put on the two-piece blue and white outfit was 37... not 77.

My mom was not a fan. Only a few years younger than Dolly, my mom could also rock that little two-piece outfit with the modifications Ms. Parton added. She wore a glittery leotard and hosiery that eliminated any bare skin being displayed. I am not sure she could have pulled this outfit choice off without those but maybe she could have? With that being said, what we saw is what Dolly has "touched up and tweaked" over the years. She is open about her plastic surgeries and use of Botox and Juvederm.

Here is the issue on my part. Dolly looked good. She really did. You could disagree with her choice, but she didn't embarrass herself in front of millions of people who were in a tryptophan comma after their turkey meal. But the debate at my parents' house was passionate and was an eye opener for my 19-year-old daughter. She sat in disbelief wondering why all the women in her life were so negative about Parton's outfit choice.

She and I talked about it the next day and I explained to her my point of view. It is not that I am against a 77-year-old dressing sexy, but knowing what I know about Dolly, it says to me, "If you have millions of dollars to spend on plastic surgery, you can look like this too." As I am approaching age 50, it is harder to find women in the public eye to relate to. I find it hard to believe chemicals and surgery are the only way to look fabulous at 50, 60 or even 70. 

I see the AARP magazines in my parents' house and there is no way these people look that good. Photoshop is amazing but it is used selectively. I compared two recent covers, one with "The Fonz" Henry Winkler (age 78) and the other with Diane Keaton (age 77). Henry looks his age. You can see the visible wisdom wrinkles on his face and his natural white hair. Diane on the other hand, her photo appears to be lightened to not draw attention to the wrinkles on her face and she is wearing a hat to cover up the wrinkles on her forehead. "Eh, where's Fonzie's hat?"

As a parent, I want things to be different for my daughter. She is already way more liberated than I was at her age, and I love her attitude about style and fashion, but she has pushed my limits as a conservative parent, especially last year when she bought a pair of black leather pants for her high school homecoming festivities. The Catholic girl in me was hyperventilating when my own personal Sandy from Grease arrived for the parade. (To be clear, her pants weren't skintight, and she had a sweater on instead of an off the shoulder low cut top.)

I was raised by Boomer parents. My daughter had hip Gen X'ers showing her the way. But these Boomers have turned the tables on aging and what we have come to expect. My parents look much younger than my grandparents did at the same age, and maybe I should adopt their playbook in aging gracefully and naturally.

The debate on ageism will continue but if somewhere there is a Solid Gold reboot in the works, I am not ruling out auditioning. Maybe Dolly can give me some advice. Anyone have her number?

 

*My blog is featured in The Valley Mirror Newspaper's On My Mind column. The Valley Mirror is a weekly publication which covers the Steel Valley and Woodland Hills communities. *

 

*Photo courtesy of People Magazine

 

Now and Then

 

History is being made today.

Thursday, November 2, 2023, is a day like no other. Something no one imagined would happen again, in our lifetime, has happened.

The Beatles have released a new song. Their final song ever. But how is this even possible? The band broke up in 1970. Two of their band members are deceased. How are we still getting new material?

Of course, die-hard fans like me are extremely skeptical. Other "new" material has come out over the years, including the song "Free as a Bird" which was released as part of The Beatles Anthology 1 in 1995 and "Real Love" which was released as part of the Beatles Anthology 2 in 1996. These were pretty special considering John Lennon had been dead for 15 years.  Decades ago, Paul McCartney asked Lennon's widow, Yoko Ono, if she had any unreleased recordings of John's. "Real Love" and "Free as a Bird" were two of the four she handed over. "Grow Old With Me" was untouched by the remaining Beatles probably due to it appearing posthumously on the album Milk and Honey in 1984.

Those songs were able to be completed with 1990's technology which included clearing out background noise from the vocal track and, as was the case for "Free as a Bird", adding more lyrics. When the songs were released as singles, both made it to the top 10 of the Billboard Top 100 song chart. It was exciting for a younger fan, like me, to hear a "new" Beatles song on the radio.

The final cassette Yoko had handed over with the song "Now and Then" required more help to reach radio quality than the 1990s could provide. It was left on the shelf, but thanks to artificial intelligence, of the 2020 variety, a lot more is possible. This kind of AI technology (sound separation technology) made the recent Get Back documentary possible. Director Peter Jackson was able to teach a computer what a particular instrument sounds like and then strip that sound away from audio recordings of The Beatles in the studio. This made conversations between the band members crystal clear, whereas prior to having this technology, those conversations were masked.

After the surviving Beatles got wind of what Jackson had done, they decided to re-think "Now and Then". Paul McCartney has stated that nothing "artificial" was created for this recording. He says, "It’s all real and we all play on it."

I am still a little skeptical. I mean who wouldn't be? I want to believe Paul and the story he's telling but I also see what is out there. Just go on YouTube, and search AI covers, and you will find many classic songs being done in a different way. Whitney Houston singing "Bohemian Rhapsody", Frank Sinatra singing "Thriller",  The Beatles singing David Bowie's "Space Oddity". You can teach a computer how to sing in a particular style and it will do it. Did the boys rely on this technology, just a little?

I want to have faith in Paul and Ringo because we all know they don't need the money. But it seems like every year, just before the holidays, there is something new that is released. This year, it is the newly remastered Red and Blue compilation albums, which will include the new single. The actual vinyl albums are so cool. They are actually the colors blue and red. There was a hot minute when I told my family members if I didn't get those for Christmas I was going to move out. Then reality set in. My record player is packed away and I already own the Blue and Red albums.

Regardless, I want to leave my cynicism at the door as I eagerly await the moment, I can hear this song. I am going to listen to it once and then again and again to fully immerse myself in the music. I want to imagine a world where the Fab Four are still recording and sharing their talents with the world. For the 4 minutes and 8 seconds it takes to listen to the track, all of that will be a reality.  If current technology can be source of happiness at a time when there is so much sadness, then.... let it be. 

 

*This blog is featured in this week's edition of The Valley Mirror as the "On My Mind" column. The weekly paper serves the Steel Valley and Woodland Hills communities.*

 

 

 

Black and Yellow

 

Never underestimate the power of a well selected wardrobe.

We are often judged by the clothing we wear and for a lot of people, aged 40 and over, not much thought goes into what we throw on. For me, it is often a choice of what is clean and what is comfy.

What happens when we don't put thought into what we are wearing could pose a bit of an inconvenience. For me, I have been known to wear t-shirts that feature my favorite band, The Beatles, from time to time. When I go to my local grocery store, I often encounter an employee who also likes that band, and we end up getting into a conversation about said group. If I am in a hurry, this can pose a challenge to keeping my trip short.

Some people welcome the conversation. My father for example is very proud of being from McKeesport. He has worn t-shirts featuring the town while we were away on various trips throughout the years. While some people would just say they are from outside of Pittsburgh, my dad goes through the entire story about McKeesport to whomever will listen. I have seen this happen in Florida, Virginia and North Carolina. He is a one-man PR representative wherever he goes.

 This past weekend, my husband and I went on a trip to Cleveland. It was a last-minute trip that did not involve much planning or packing for that matter. It was only a short two-day adventure so not much prep was needed before we left. I did not inspect the items my husband threw in the suitcase or give much thought to it when were getting ready for a breakfast adventure in a new town. To be honest, I didn't really look at him before we arrived at our destination.

"Go Steelers," the greeter said when we walked into the restaurant. This was the first tip off that something might be amiss.

"I can say that because we have a bye week," she concluded.

Once we sat down, I realized my husband was wearing a Pittsburgh Steelers sweatshirt. We were in Cleveland for goodness' sake. The home of the Cleve Brownies!

I was instantly embarrassed. I knew he didn't realize what he had done but I did notice the stares from other diners checking out our non-grata attire. I wanted to sink under the table but then I witnessed my husband enjoying his breakfast like he was back in the 'Burgh. It just didn't matter. Once he was done eating, we were going to take in some sights, but I told him he needed to inside out his sweatshirt so not to draw attention to ourselves.

He said "No." He explained he would not be upset if he saw someone in Pittsburgh wearing a Browns sweatshirt so why should he expect anything different.

Fair enough, I thought.

We didn't have any problems during our sightseeing tour. The next comment we got about his attire was actually in the parking lot of our hotel - from a fellow Steelers fan.

"Pittsburgh!" He yelled from his car.

I explained that my husband picked the wrong clothing for our trip to Cleveland. This guy said, " No! He picked just the right type of clothing," and mentioned he was also from Pittsburgh. He said the team had a long way to go but they were going to get there.

It was nice to enjoy that type of camaraderie after the stink eyes we got back at the diner.

Just when we thought we were in the clear, back on the road to go home, we stopped at the final toll booth before re-entering Pennsylvania. The man at the toll booth was pretty animated and was very conversational. Just as my husband handed over our ticket and money he said, "Hey pal, is it laundry day?" Implying the only reason he was wearing a Pittsburgh sweatshirt is because he had nothing else to wear.

It was all good fun and we had quite the laugh as we drove away.

I don't think of it much when I pick out my clothes each day, but I can tell you for sure, the next time we go to Cleveland we won't be packing any Pittsburgh themed attire.

 

Clothing can help strike up a conversation when you least expect it so if you are going out and want to avoid the unexpected interaction - pick a plain t-shirt.

 

*My blog is featured each week as the 'On My Mind' column in The Valley Mirror newspaper. The publication serves the Steel Valley and Woodland Hills communities.* 

 

The Golden Anniversary

My parents have officially been married for 50 years.

Today marks the 50th anniversary of the day they exchanged wedding vows in front of a justice of the peace back in 1973. It is fun to look through the wedding album my father's sister made for them as a keepsake. Seeing my mom and dad at ages 23 and 26...wow, those kids were stunning.

The thing that stands out in these photos, to me, is how happy they looked. My mom and dad look like they are living their best day. They had no idea what was in front of them but it didn't seem to matter. They had each other and that appeared to be all they needed.

 That duo would soon become a trio. I came along 17 months later. Followed by my brother and then, a surprise gift from God, my sister. We were a family of five by the time the 80s rolled around (my dad had a vanity plate for our car that read Bish 5) and who would guess that number would more than double by the time they would celebrate their fifth decade together. (Add five grandkids and two son-in laws.)

My parents taught me a lot about marriage. I knew from an early age that happily ever after is not a thing unless you put the work in. There is no way my parents could have known what was in store for them in the years ahead. Losing parents, losing best friends, fighting cancer - these two have seen a little bit of everything yet they never gave up on the one thing they started out with, each other.

Faith has played a large role in their marriage as well. It was thirteen years into their wedded union when they were finally able to get married in a church. Despite that fact, attending weekly mass and attending Catholic school was part of me and my siblings' stories. In our adult years, there isn't one family member that doesn't have a religious artifact in their car bestowed on them by either my mother or father to ensure our safety. 

 

 

Looking back on my younger days, it was no secret that us kids meant the most to this couple and I am very lucky to have the parents I was blessed with. It was just over a year after they were married that I arrived and I never got the impression they wanted more time to just be them. They were happy about having a baby and their joy overflowed with each addition. 

My mom was a stay at home mom for most of my childhood, taking her first full time job when I was in 9th grade. I had the cookies after school, the homecooked meals, the clean house when I came home from school.  They gave everything they had to make birthdays amazing, Christmases the thing of storybooks (except for the Cabbage Patch debacle of 1983  but my sister and I have since recovered) and instilling in us that anything is possible with hard work.

My father worked for the local water authority where he dedicated 35 years before retiring. There were holidays when he had to leave during dinner, nights when he didn't come home until after we were asleep, days where no matter the weather conditions he was outside repairing broken water lines. My siblings and I have no idea what his job was like at times but his paycheck afforded us the ability to live modestly in our McKeesport home with the occasional meal out on paydays.

Retired living has been the thing of dreams for my parents. Maybe not the dreams of traveling around the world and seeing the sights but traveling around the Pittsburgh area following the latest pursuits of their five grandchildren. From hockey to basketball, Tamburitzan shows and musicals, my parents try to catch whatever events are on the schedule each week. This is their passion. This is their reward.

I know how fortunate I am to have parents who are celebrating this milestone and while it isn't the celebration they were planning on, due to my mom's recent illness, there will be plenty of opportunities in the months ahead to get away and take pride in the beautiful family they have created and realize that sometimes when you start with a wing and a prayer you can reach the greatest heights. 

 

 

 

*My blog is featured as the On My Mind column in The Valley Mirror Newspaper each week. The publication covers the Steel Valley and Woodland Hills communities. *